Erikarose’s Weblog

February 26, 2008

Short but so sweet…

Filed under: Uncategorized — erikarose @ 6:35 pm

I’ve been thinking about mortality quite a bit lately. An actor named Bill Hamlin died and though I didn’t know him well he left an impression on me. I don’t know how old he was but I’d guess at least 70. He had stark white hair and a tall frame. He looked kind of fragile to me but he didn’t carry himself that way at all. He had energy for days, great command of his body and an amazing physical presence on stage. He was quick with a quip and had this wicked sense of humor. He loved gadgets, fine cheeses and eating well. He was a vibrant soul.

One day you’re on this planet and one day you’re not.

Was he happy with how things went for him? Were there things he still wanted to do? Was he at peace?Regardless of what you believe takes place after you close your eyes, it puts things into persepctive. One day I won’t be here anymore. People will remember silly things I did, the thoughtless things I did, the careless, carefree, impulsive, fun, adventurous, dumb and the dangerous. Traces of those things will still be here. What else will be here…my eco-footprint. If I leave nothing else behind, I’ll leave at least 2 tons of plastic waste (probably more). That’s a legacy for ya.

So far the choices I’ve made (amazing and appalling both) have ended up exactly as they should. I don’t regret having a sexual life crisis from age 22-26. I’m lucky that I didn’t come out of it with any major diseases. I came out of it with ridiculous amounts of emotional baggage but I don’t regret it. I needed to get hurt, hurt myself, figure it out and get better. It’s all a process and you never stop evolving. We are a work in progress and we never arrive before it’s time to leave. There is something scary about that and at the same time beautiful. The goal isn’t to arrive. I should be enjoying every moment. I should fully embrace the moments in my life that aren’t going so well. The pain, anger, joy, love, happiness, frustration…thank god I’m able to feel those things.

I’m about to drink Seagram’s Ginger Ale, and I’m going to enjoy it.

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